Portrait of Scat: Evening

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“I feel bad for the way we treated you, now. I didn’t know you had all those monsters/fire in your head…”

“Do you remember Teacher J? She told us off for the way we treated you…”

I had monsters and fire in my head, Scat. That’s why I was so weird. That’s why I doodled death and freedom and living forever all over my Uni entrance complimentary bag. Yeah, its ok I understand. You were all kids after all, yknow? Can’t blame you. And what do you mean Scat? You were one of the nice ones. I’ve always thought you were.

“Oh umm…well, I didn’t stop them, H*****…”

It’s okay! I’ve forgotten about it, forgiven it. Let’s just be friends now?

“Sure H*****. And you will be able to talk soon…”

****

You were like that warm sunset that skewed our shadows long over the rubber tiles in front of the central area. Extra-dimensional creatures, our shadows, bony and they jerked like wired cardboard cutouts, from their high heads to their narrow toes. They laughed, tilted back, in a weird imitation of us; hey, there were a lot of warm emotions all around us, things that tugged and flushed and made one feel all hot and dry and think “not sweaty-not sweaty-“ in the hopes that it would come true. There were cute kids and a lot volatile-ness. We were young. I was all dressed up in entrance clothes, red batik over a way-too-tight white skirt, that I ripped a little-it was only meant to last that day- we were excited, and you just said you’d give me that sun. Hot, dripping orange, red, straight from the horizon, over the Engineering buildings.

The first day, in class, there was you and your latest best friend, we’ll call her Kayla. It started with your dress sense..IMG_20160221_214539

and my dress sense…

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(all ryt that was a bit of an exaggeration)

And the ‘repartee’ you had…

“Kayla, you bimbo, who’s your latest?” Gives Kayla a kick in the leg.

“Oh Scat, he’s your one and only. But don’t worry I’d never really cheat on you, just in little bits..”

“Man! Gross. And what about that party in the house? Did you hear what Zan was up to? Hahahaha!! We need to go over to Foursquareco soon. Converse! And glittery eyeliner, kay Kayla?”

Pokes Scat, makes her squeal in math class. “Yep… maybe I’ll bring him and his brother…hahaha”

Why it all seemed so appealing, I don’t know. Was it having all the guys trail after Kayla, in a dripping mess, listening to her every wile, but detesting her behind her back (she dropped them faster than the birds dropped on the roof of the faculty buildings), was it that when Kayla got up to go out of the introductory session, all the guys yelled, was it that the girls flocked to her side and wanted to know her, in a twisted false sweetness that Kayla couldn’t see? Was it the way Scat basked in reflected glory, or the deep deep undercurrent of sincerity that ran between them?

“Kayla I told you- don’t do that with guys. Stop it. Stop the boyfriends. You don’t even like them. You are just flattered by their attention. They don’t like you, they like your clothes and your hair. And those girls only talk to you cuz they want the guys.. Kayla STOP. You are too young. You have your life before you. NO MORE BOYFRIENDS! You won that award from all over the world in A-levels, you deserve better…”

“Owh Scat..you know how I am with guys… I’d never do anything serious though, you know that…”

Why? But it was not then that the charm was made.

Kayla left a few months later. Her parents were basically worried out of their minds. She came from a Eurasian country, and strings of boyfriends were strictly not part of what they wanted for their 17 year old genius daughter who was spiraling off into a cold lonely concrete trap.

Naïve, pretty Kayla. Goodbye.

So then Scat was lonely, and so was I. We were thrown together. Those first weeks were wonderful. Friendship seemed to crackle all around us in large electric waves- over those of us who remained from the shredded remains of the last sem..

And I guess it started with pity for her loneliness. Let me try to make up for your loss of friends, Scat. I introduced her to my oldest, dearest friends, friends who were worth it, and who stay. I’d made a few in the years since A-levels. I knew they would stay cuz they’d seen me in messy smelly glory, just like Tammy and Sam and Scat, and her friends, only, unlike them, these dear people saw beyond all that. They really did.

Then there was the fragments of the last sem and a general Kayla-ness. Kayla’s absence focused these fragments on Scat instead. She had friends. She was liked, and people drew in to her warmth. IMG_20160221_235904And then that thought came to me, that thought that would destroy all that was between us,

Could you help me Scat? Could I learn from you how to break out of my shell? I’d be using you, but I’d be your best friend. I’d try.

*all names are false, and some parts are fiction.

~END OF PART 3~

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About theshadowsofthenight

An amateur writer and amateur artist :)
This entry was posted in Portraits of.... and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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