I think it was that feeling of being a part of an entire world- where people existed and there were movements and ideas and monuments and drama and gossip and that gritty feeling of humans- all the parts of a world – that I miss the most. It existed in high school, and for a while, briefly, tantalizingly and almost like “could this be real?”, in uni for me. I miss it. It was what we rebelled against- we laughed at its structures and formation and rocks and stones- which were sometimes teachers and adults in general- and sighed and gossiped and dreamed of the day we would all be free. And then it was gone and all that was left was nothing, because all that was left was the world in our heads, each one of our heads, and its almost impossible to make it as whole and complete in its structures as the world of high school students or university kids. No it is impossible. All that you are left with is nothing and your thoughts and memories.
I remember laughing, taunting rebellion, even screaming against the structure as a kid, but I still based my existence on it, rebelling against something still means it affects your existence, your being.
I had no idea what it would be like when it was gone, and to realise all that longing, and wish to be free was of something that isn’t real eternally. Not really.
I know my teachers knew that, and tried to tell, but they couldn’t. We didn’t listen, and then we didn’t want to know,and then they didn’t know how.