Until today, I felt I was one person, and after today I feel I will be another, and I feel that every day. Why have I become so strong and nothing else? Why am I so defensive and insistent of my truth? And yet its beyond my control in so many ways. Its sometimes an entirely outside force that drives me. I hate that person who acts all superior to you and your family, in every way just because that is their personal private opinion- that they are the best example and no one else. That is arrogance. A better way would have been to say that “I follow someone about whom there is enough valid evidence to be the best of examples- and that is who I am, and it is your freedom to choose”. But if that example is yourself-and you act without any true teacher or guide- or feeling the need for one- than its just arrogance and it spirals into a lack of self awareness and reflection, a lack of trying to be a better person on any level, especially in your heart. What exactly did that person do to me or anyone else, that I should consider that person the best of examples? A person who never bothered to come in the most difficult of times for those they claimed to love.
A person who talks a lot about religion and morality and spirituality but has little knowledge and fails to put it into practice to a justified level- which is all right, that person’s choice, until that person has the horrible audacity to judge me and my loved ones by their flawed understanding, has the horrible audacity to preach and consider themselves so great without enough knowledge, without enough humbleness or bothering to go to all the difficult, high, yet beautiful lengths in action and practice that a truly knowledgeable person would go to before ever daring to preach. If that person had gone to those lengths, never would that person have been so quick to judge, nor would that person have been so arrogant “my path is better than yours” nor would she have failed to recognize the truth in others, who never ever hurt or disrespected her. In this day and age, for those who claim to be educated with their certificates, certain ignorance(s) are no longer excusable. Like no such person can use their ignorance to defend their discrimination against me, just because I am a girl.
Just because I am a girl, I am erased and not believed. Just because I am a girl, my family is erased and denigrated and discriminated and insulted. Just because I am a girl my views or automatically considered questionable- even my life’s experience is erased and narrowed by those who have much less experience in that area. Just because I am a girl, I am expected to give up on all that I believe in and love and blindly follow the aforementioned arrogant ones. Just because I am me, I am expected to stop being me.
If you treat me like a liar, and a loser , and an immoral person, no different from others not morally, not character-wise in anyway, except by certain material privileges I have been blessed with (but don’t make me better than anyone) if you act like I am wrong, when I have never done that to you, or if you act like I am a mistake, a doomed person, a failure, or say I hurt you when I never did, or that I should listen to you blindly out of gratitude for a favor I never asked you to do, or treat me like your actions were a huge favor to me, and that I am in fact no one at all, not in the past present or future, except by the material advantage I bring, than believe me I will be hurt, afraid and scared to be around you. And I will be angry and OUTRAGED.